


Come Together

by vulturer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Romance, M/M, Xenophilia, sloppy interspecies hate makeouts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2011-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulturer/pseuds/vulturer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Troll romance sure is confusing! Except when it comes to makeouts. Then it's pretty straight-forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Together

  
**  
Come Together   
**

____________________________________________________

  


"What did you say?" Karkat Vantas said in an overly calm, ticking-time bomb kind of tone and Dave Strider leaned forward and replied pleasantly, held back by nobody in the empty wing of the dim labs. He was alone with the one troll who pissed him off the most and there was nobody easing the pressure, and it was fucking _fantastic._

"Take your yappy bullshit, turn around, and walk the fuck away."

"I would _gladly_ take my 'bullshit' to another galaxy far, far away from you if I fucking _could,_ but guess what? We're stuck on this petrified mass of fecal matter that we sugar coat by calling a meteor, and I am forced to look at your repugnant visage _repeatedly,_ so I'll have you know you make me _sick."_

"My goodness, feeling a little _crabby_ today? Aww, you poor thing, but wait a minute, what's that? Oh it's the sound of _it's fucking mutual."_

"How do the other humans even stand you. I'm beginning to harbor some respect for them for dealing with your hideous mouth that speaks in a rare dialect made up of _rancid toxic sludge,"_ and Karkat was nearly spitting at this point, tensing his hands into tight-tendon claws, his pupils dilated, lips tugging back slightly. His pointed ears were flattened back against the messy black hair and a part of Dave told him to back off, but it was a very timid part that was smothered by more vigorous feelings of _jesus christ, just... RRRGH._

"Toxic sludge, huh?" Dave hissed and nodded mockingly. Karkat growled quietly.

"Mixed with human colonic _filth."_

"Oh yeah, that sounds pretty spot on, man. You got me," Dave replied and felt his resolve slip just so, and that little bit was enough to send him off the edge. "See, here's the thing. If the language I lilt is radioactive waste, then the sounds coming out of your mouth? That shit is degenerative cancer, fucking malignant tumor tissue that, at the end of the day, is just a worthless stream of parasitic _nonsense._ It means _nothing,_ you try to chat but you're just _chittering,_ like a fucking stink bug underneath my sneaker, and you know what? _You know what, Karkat?_ I'm done. I'm bio-lasering you out of my ears because if we came together, if I held you in my arms, yeah, I would feel your _disease._ And, I'm sorry, but _fuck_ _that noise."_

And Dave would have spun around and slipped away to avoid the incoming, brain-melting tidal wave of terrible except Karkat didn't explode, he just _shook._ His eyes rolled back in his head and he took a shuddering breath and that was weird. Nice to not have a face-full of angry like Dave was expecting, but he was still kind of confused at what was going on and then he had the wind knocked out of him as Karkat lunged forward, toppled him to the ground, swiped off his shades, and proceeded to devour his face.

Alarm bells and air raid sirens rattled Dave's head in a cacophony of _what the fuck is happening, fight or flight mode, choose one fast, oh fuck oh FUCK._ Karkat straddled Dave's stomach and had his claws in Dave's hair, his chest heaved with labored breaths, and it was a goddamn miracle that Dave's lips were still intact after being grazed by that mouth full of thank-god-they-were-slightly-dulled fangs that threatened and wanted all at once. 

After it was established in Dave's brain that yes, he was about to be eaten by a pissed off grey alien, he fumbled to get his hands in between them, grabbed Karkat's shirt, and pushed.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?" Dave barked as he shoved Karkat back, half calm and collected and half _but Karkat, what big teeth you have_ and Karkat snarled at the resistance. That definitely didn't sound human or even humanoid alien; that growl was all xenofreaky, clicking and rolling as if some tomcat swallowed a roll of bubble-wrap. It was way back in Karkat's throat which was weird at first and then double-weird at second when Karkat opened his mouth. It looked like he was going to say something predictably nasty and then he didn't; he just kind of pulled back his tongue, bared his pointy teeth, and not-even-kidding _hissed_ at Dave, a sound halfway in between a cobra and a fucking rockslide. _Well, sufferin' succotash, Kitty's got claws._

"I am doing precisely what I should be doing, you _cretin,"_ Karkat spat out, and it was weird how he could flip from that freaky Animal Planet shit back to a fairly normal, if slightly dental-docked stream of English. Any second now and he would howl at the moon over his fresh kill. "I am reciprocating."

Karkat moved to pick up where he was shoved off, but Dave pushed against Karkat's chest and locked his elbow, grabbed a wrist with his free hand, and thought _jesus fuck, I am actually getting pounced by the snippiest jackass left in this entire universe. Great! Just. Great._

"Ha ha, hilarious. Dave Strider loooves irony, so that must mean everything he says is opposite, right? Okay sure, we can play that game; I just fucking _love_ having slimy, alien tongue shoved down and around my throat, it's the best thing ever next to getting ice-pick lobotomized. Now if you could be so kind as to get your fatass off of me, that would be peachy."

Karkat narrowed his eyes and then proceeded to roll the _fuck_ out of them.

"Unfuckingbelievable," he grumbled to himself and spat off to the side in disgust. _"Humans."_

"Humans? _Humans?_ _Trolls!"_ Dave replied eloquently and wiped at his mouth.

"No, fuck you," Karkat snapped and sneered down at Dave, flashing those spit-slicked canines and _where the fuck was Dave's sword when he needed it._ "I'm sick of your bullshit, yanking me around like some woofbeast on a leash, and I've had enough."

"Yanking you around? Excuse me, _what."_

 _"Think_ , you soporbrained bulgeblocker. Use that mushy slop inside of your cranial bone shell and _think._ Don't toy with me."

"You keep talking, but all I hear is 'Hi, my name is Karkat, and my head is currently yea far up my ass.'"

"'Hi, my name is Dave, and I'm so insecure about my love life that I _reject_ somebody after I _just fucking confessed to them.'"_

"In what universe do you live in where telling you to fuck off means oh son of a _bitch,_ I just serenaded the shit out of you didn't I."

"You just gave me the most romantic diatribe I have ever heard, you dense, festering pile of waste-coated _failure_."

"Wait wait wait, back it up, twist the No. 2 and rewind this tape, _no no a million times fuck no._ I _hate_ you, dude."

And the second that came out of his mouth, Dave's brain screamed _WAIT SHIT THAT'S NOT WHAT I,_ but Karkat groaned deep in his chest, the sound bubbling up to somewhere around his trachea, or the troll equivalent of a _holy fuck he's jumping your bones again man, and he's not fucking around this time, those teeth are gonna shred you up oh shit oh SHIT SHIT SHIT, but wait hang on, what the actual oh fucking hell..._

As much as Dave wanted to kick the trigger-happy troll off and get some nice, refreshing stress-relief in the form of interspecies fisticuffs, Karkat was making noises that were not very conducive to that line of thought. With his tongue frantically exploring Dave's teeth and his kitty claws clenching Dave's shirt, he made these little moans or notes or somethings that gargled into growly vibrations and okay, that was kind of really sexy. And for all that the feisty troll claimed that kismesissitude was the most venomous and badass thing ever, he sure was playing nice. Just chirring and nipping, testing the waters maybe? It was pretty clear that they were a bit different in both physiology and psychology, and though Karkat seemed pretty adamant about the whole hate-makeout thing, he was doing it carefully. Oh, and add squirming to the list. He was doing some of that too.

 _Think fast, countdown starts now; you are being kissed by an alien who claims to hate your guts. Process; right, okay. Analyze; troll romance, quadrant, based in hate, clearly leads to other stuff, weird as shit. Compare; all right fine, humans have angry sex shenanigans too, you guess. Retrace; Karkat hates you. Has always hated you, judging by his spluttering nastiness. Conclusion; Karkat has been hate-flirting with you, you played right back without thinking, and now he is on top of you and moaning and oh hey, remember when you thought he was kind of attractive before he fucking opened his mouth and you realized he was the pissy capslocker? Epiphany; looks like what goes around comes around. FUCK._

So Dave decided to play along because hey, when in Troll Rome, right?

He opened up and then scraped his incisors against that busy tongue, circling a hand around the front of Karkat's neck, gentle but threatening. That seemed to work wonders as Karkat gasped in surprise and then thrummed all the way up his torso, shivering slightly and it wasn't vulnerable in any capacity, it was _signal_ , a message that said _oh fuck yes I am going to tear you limb from limb._ Karkat tilted his head to the side a little, Dave huffed a harsh breath through his nose against Karkat's cheek, and then curled his tongue against the back of Karkat's tapered teeth.

And that sort of shocked Karkat, who pulled away to glare at the human suspiciously but a little tendril of saliva followed, connecting their tongues briefly before dripping onto Karkat's chin and _yes, okay, hate-makeouts. Kind of awesome._

With a head full of ironic justification, heart full of adrenaline, and a groin full of _dear god just go go go,_ Dave snorted once and then burst out laughing. Karkat's eyes went wide, lips pulled back into a wolfish snarl, and he opened his mouth to unleash the mother of all rage-fits, but the sight of Dave losing his shit sort of cut that train of thought. He held out for a good few seconds by pure bafflement alone, but then he fell forward onto Dave's shoulder and snickered softly until he too was laughing his ass off. Even his laugh was weird; all choppy and buzzing.

Dave decided he really liked that sound.

"Congrats, we have officially secured both the gold and silver places in the Race for the Idiot Cup tournament."

"Who won?" Karkat said and pulled away and looked down at Dave with an amused smirk.

"Uhh... it's a tie?"

"Then I call Sudden Death," Karkat taunted with a seductive growl and he licked his chops. Okay then. Bitchy aliens. Super hot.

Dave just snapped his blunt teeth at Karkat, clacking them together in a _you're on, sucker_ sound, and yep.

The sentiment was fucking mutual.


End file.
